Whither Lolita? -- Having Ceased To Be Wild, This Orca Should Stay Put
Seems everybody wants to get in on the "Lolita the Killer Whale" act these days, including us. When The Miami Herald asked us to get into a bit of a debate in its news columns, we said yes.
Actually, Erik Lacitis said yes.
He and columnist/author Carl Hiassen of the Herald duked it out Sunday in The Herald.
Give her back!
NO!! Leave her alone!!
You know the routine.
Now it's our turn to present the matchup.
If only Lolita could talk.
Then we could just ask her whether she prefers to stay in Miami, or be hauled cross-country and released in Puget Sound, where she was captured 25 years ago.
Washington Gov. Mike Lowry is calling for the Miami Seaquarium to free Lolita. Or, more exactly: Free Lolita!
Which would be like (Florida Gov.) Lawton Chiles demanding that zoos return all their alligators to Florida.
Those trying to free Lolita insist she can be safely re-integrated into the same pod of wild killer whales from which she was snatched. They say she's lonesome and deserves to be free.
Well, of course she deserves to be free. But somebody should've thought of that a long time ago.
Sadly, Lolita has ceased to be wild. She spends her days performing goofy stunts that have nothing to do with being a whale, stunts that have no use in the inky depths of Puget Sound.
Like painting. I'm serious - they've got this whale holding a brush in her teeth, painting pictures. Oh, it's not her idea; just another trick devised for gullible tourists.
The fact is, killer whales are pretty smart. Promise them a garbage pail of fresh mackerel, and you can probably teach them how to hack into the Pentagon computer.
After a quarter of a century, Lolita's got the Seaquarium jig nailed! I do something inane. Humans gorge me with fish. Simple!
So what you end up with is not a wild whale, but basically a 10,000-pound trained poodle.
Which is not to say Lolita is necessarily miserable. She has survived longer than any other captive Orca, and appears extremely robust.
During one weird spell a few years ago, killer whales at some marine parks violently rebelled, injuring trainers. We could all sympathize - who wants some joker in a wetsuit hanging off your dorsal?
At the time I expected Lolita to take part in the job action, but she didn't. To this day, she seems adjusted to aquarium life, despite its show-biz indignities. And she eats like a cetaceous Shelly Winters.
As for Gov. Lowry's crusade: Is it really smart to grant stewardship of Lolita to the state of Washington, which is only slightly less derelict than Florida in protecting its natural resources?
Washington's dubious resume includes damming the Columbia River and hacking down old-growth forests. Trusting those folks with a live whale seems dicey.
The second issue is even more serious. Assuming that Lolita's transport and release aren't botched, many experts doubt her ability to survive in the wild.
No other Orca has been freed after such a long stretch in captivity. In 25 years Lolita hasn't caught a fish that didn't come out of a bucket. It's been 15 years since she cohabited with another whale, the late Hugo.
Those campaigning for Lolita's release say they'll "retrain" her to hunt in the sea and bond with aggressive wild whales. "An exciting experiment," promises one earnest biologist.
The key word is "experiment." If it fails, Lolita dies - and Gov. Lowry's publicity ploy turns into a five-ton disaster.
Researchers have pledged to buy Lolita and set her loose, but the Seaquarium says she's not for sale. Either way, the old girl's options are limited. Being shamelessly exploited by a politician isn't much better than being shamelessly exploited by an amusement park.
The best they can do for Lolita is leave her in Miami, lend her the occasional stud whale from Sea World, and - when she finally passes away - retire her aquarium tank forever.
Empty.
Carl Hiassen is a columnist for The Miami Herald and the bestselling author of "Tourist Season" and several other novels.