Safeco Field Doesn't Cover Excitement
Look at the bright side: The bidding war to name the baseball stadium could have been won by Tacoma Screw Products.
Or Chubby & Tubby.
Actually, we should have figured the new ballpark would be named after an insurance company.
Safeco Field. Unless you're on a restricted diet at Harborview, it doesn't get much blander than that.
And we're stuck with it for at least 20 years because Your New Stadium is about as much yours as the neighbor's Winnebago.
Safeco Field. It's as alluring as Spackle, as memorable as boiled cauliflower.
Remember when this city gave a rip about originality?
Safeco Field. Say it. Feel the tingle? Just uttering the words makes you wanna find that ol' mitt, oil it up, pound it out and . . . review your most recent homeowner's policy.
Not that we have a problem with insurance in general, or Safeco in particular.
But we're frankly troubled by this rumor that, starting with 1999 season-ticket sales, single males under 25 will pay double for insurance - even with a clean driving record.
Amazingly, it turns out the stadium naming was the good news in Seattle sports this week. As is our custom, let's get straight to the bad:
Sponsor THIS: The Husky basketball arena formerly known as Edmundson Pavilion will be renamed Seafirst Arena, University of Washington Mutual officials announced this week.
Wind Baggage: In a special guest appearance at a local watering hole this week, deposed Sonic Coach George Karl publicly flapped his jaws for hours about his unjust firing by Wally Walker, who suffered from the baffling illusion that Karl often publicly flapped his jaws.
Unit-arianism: M's management tried but could not bring itself to trade Randy Johnson, the true savior of Seattle baseball. In an apparent attempt to make the Big Unit feel loved once more, team president Chuck Armstrong issued this statement: "Randy Johnson is a valued pitcher for the Mariners who is under contract for the balance of the '98 season." Translation: "We're behind him 100 percent - until the trading deadline."
Big Silent Unit: Johnson, speaking to reporters for the first time since last season, announced he will not speak to reporters for the rest of this season. He then walked out of the Kingdome and saw his shadow. Meteorologists predicted six more weeks of ineffectual starts.
Tight-Lipped: In a show of support for the Big Unit's self-proclaimed shushing, Seattle-area baseball reporters and broadcasters yesterday announced they no longer will speak to themselves.
Tugging Our Fossas: Ace reliever Tony Fossas, who specialized in walking left-handed batters, was fired this week by the Mariners for what Manager Lou Piniella deemed gross misconduct: impersonating Bobby Ayala.
Rubber Stamp Confusion: We are embarrassed to confess that in this space two weeks past we mistakenly referred to the Public Stadium Authority as the rubber-stamp, quasi-public agency overseeing construction of already over-budget Safeco Field.
Actually, the PSA is responsible only for the new Seahawk/soccer stadium/convention center/microbrewery/infirmary that will rise from the dust of the Kingdome.
Apparently this is a common mistake. So once more, for the record:
-- The Public Facilities District is the rubber-stamp agency created by King County to give the multimillionaire Mariner owners anything they want.
-- The Public Stadium Authority is the rubber-stamp agency created by the state of Washington to give multibillionaire Seahawk owner Paul Allen anything he wants.
Any questions?
You can contact Ron C. Judd by voice mail at 206-464-8280.