Some Products And Services We'd Be More Than Happy To Buy
It's still early enough in the new year to dream about products and services we'd like to see on the market soon:
-- A car that could sprout wings at the flick of a switch would have saved thousands of people a cold night in the car at either Stevens or Snoqualmie passes last weekend. Oh, yes, instructions, a pilot's license, a flight control panel and radio links would be included.
-- A weight-prevention product in the form of a "smart" table with laser, which would push your chair back before you overindulge in holiday goodies.
-- If the above device fails, how about a sweater, dress or slacks with built-in memory yarn that allows you to eat a little more and expand your girth during the holidays, but snaps back to the correct size on Jan. 2? OK, OK, it could have a device, like the "snooze" button on alarm clocks, good for the expanded girth until Jan. 15. But after that, you definitely would have to keep those resolutions to resume normal weight and return to your previous size.
-- In unisex rest rooms and home bathrooms, a "smart" toilet seat that would detect testosterone and automatically lift when a male is present, assuming the usual down position for female users.
-- For those occasions when someone confuses your voice phone line with a fax line, a telephone capable of sending a message to a fax machine that goes something like this:
"You idiot machine! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: This is the not the fax line. This is the line for humans. Get it? Got it? Good! Now remember it."
Then the device would turn off the fax machine so it would not send messages ad infinitum at two-minute intervals, forcing a human to have a look at the problem.
-- Or maybe better yet, a different area code for fax machines. Hey, you got accustomed to three new area codes in a couple of years. You could handle it.
-- An easy-to-remember Web site for the state Department of Health's information on areas where red tide or paralytic shellfish toxin make it unsafe to harvest and eat shellfish. Somehow the department's current Web address isn't exactly a household word. http://www.doh.wa.gov/ehp/sf/biotoxin.htm
Why not something with the words "red tide" in it?
-- An e-mail system that would flash "spam!" and save you the time of reading those junk mail messages. As an added feature, you also could order a "sex spam notification program" that would flash, "No, it's not your old boy/girlfriend. Nor would s(he) really like to make your acquaintance. S(he) simply wants to get his/her hands on your credit card number and/or wallet. No need to respond unless you have money to throw away."
-- A microchip in the car that would weigh and measure each passenger, determine their ages, report the appropriate fare to Washington State Ferries personnel and electronically debit a credit card or paid-in-advance account, with no need to wait in line at the toll booth.
-- A chip in cars and major appliances that a manufacturer could program so that when a recall was necessary, a vehicle, dryer or toaster would chirp: "I've been recalled! I've been recalled! Call the manufacturer for instructions. Call the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 800-638-CPSC to report injuries."
-- A chip in TV remotes that automatically recognizes commercials and lowers the decibels to the same level as real television programming, or automatically puts on the mute button, opens the refrigerator and moves the ice cream carton to eye level.
Think all those chip ideas are too far out? Not necessarily.
Puget Sound Energy already has "smart" meters in place in Thurston County, Kent and Auburn. And they are coming this year to Puyallup, Federal Way, Des Moines, Burien and Renton. In the later half of 1999 and into the year 2000, Bellevue, Redmond, Kirkland, Issaquah and Woodinville customers will receive "smart" meters.
These meters transmit data on electric usage to a PSE office, as well as information about power outages and theft. And customers can choose to pay via an automatic debit on their bank accounts.
Seattle City Light says smart meters aren't yet economical for it because of the cost of the devices. But you can sign up to have your checking account debited for the bill for electric, water and sewer services. Call 206-684-3000 for information.
Shelby Gilje's Troubleshooter column appears Wednesday and Sunday in the Scene section of The Times. Write to Times Troubleshooter, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111. Phone, 206-464-2262, fax 206-382-8873, or e-mail address, troubleshooter@seattletimes.com.