Dubious Achievement Awards plumb the depths of year's movies

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It's been a year of blockbusters and bombs, of unintentionally funny dramas and leadenly unfunny comedies. But, in between, plenty of fine movies lurked in 2001, and in Sunday's paper I'll present my 10 favorite movies of the year (and my 10 least favorite). Today, though, continues a tradition started by my honored predecessor John Hartl, who always wrapped up the movie year with a presentation of the year's Dubious Achievement Awards (with a few notable achievements thrown in for good measure).

Best performance in a lost cause: Jude Law in "A.I."; Morgan Freeman in "Along Came a Spider"; Steve Buscemi in "Domestic Disturbance"; Gwyneth Paltrow in "Shallow Hal."

Breakthrough performance: Naomi Watts, "Mulholland Drive"; Emma Watson, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"; Audrey Tautou, "Amélie"; Tom Wilkinson, "In the Bedroom." (Not that Wilkinson was an unknown prior to "In the Bedroom," but his performance should firmly establish him on the A-list.)

Best massively hyped movie: Like twin gifts to readers everywhere, "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" and "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" were both very good indeed.

Worst massively hyped movie: And then there was "Pearl Harbor."

Happiest surprises: "Zoolander," "Wet Hot American Summer," "Ghost World," "Hedwig and the Angry Inch," "Our Song," "Memento."

Biggest disappointment: "A.I.," especially the last half-hour.

Best kid performance: Young Megan Burns was absolutely heartbreaking in "Liam," as was Paul Franklin Dano in "L.I.E." But for sheer novelty (and fine acting, times three), consider the performance(s) of identical 9-year-old triplets Alyssa, Kaitlyn and Lauren Gainer, who played Kevin Spacey's daughter in "The Shipping News." (Think Kevin could tell them apart?)

Best re-release: The restored, re-edited "Apocalypse Now Redux." "Ride of the Valkyries" never sounded better.

Silliest line (intentional): It's not so much the line, but the spin that Rowan Atkinson was able to put on "It's a race! It's a race!" in "Rat Race" that had me giggling uncontrollably whenever he was on screen.

Silliest line (unintentional): In "Pearl Harbor," Evelyn (Kate Beckinsale), having been inconveniently reunited with her presumed-dead hero boyfriend Rafe (Ben Affleck), says helplessly, "I didn't even know until the day you turned up alive — and then all this happened." "This," of course, being the raid on Pearl Harbor. The year's second-silliest line was in the same movie, when Evelyn earnestly tells Rafe, "I'm giving my heart to Danny. But I'll never look at another sunset without thinking of you." Which should make both guys feel quite special indeed.

Cold shower award: "Intimacy" and "The Center of the World." While not without interest as drama, both films managed to make sex seem like a rather unpleasant business, and you couldn't help wishing that both couples would just go and have coffee instead.

Cold shower award II: "Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy." Enough said.

Best hair: The heavily tressed rocker wannabes in "Rock Star." Runners-up: the principal cast of "Vanilla Sky."

Worst audience trend: The constant ringing of cell phones, which has reached fever pitch this year — not to mention the increase in the number of people who actually answer said phones, with a cheery, "Oh, hi, I'm at a movie!"

Worst solution: Loews Cineplex and Cingular Wireless announced a partnership late this year to "educate movie-goers about the courteous use of wireless devices in theatres." Among their solutions: providing "courtesy zones" in the lobby for patrons to take and place calls. Sounds swell, but why would someone who isn't courteous bother to use a "courtesy zone"?

Most in need of remedial script reading: Jennifer Lopez, whose wisecracking, sexy presence in "Out of Sight" will soon be forgotten if she keeps making movies like "The Wedding Planner" and "Angel Eyes." Steven Soderbergh, where are you?

Best teen movie: Kirsten Dunst, in a wonderfully nervy, vanity-free performance, showed new maturity as an actress in "crazy/beautiful," which was so well done I could even forgive its maddeningly lowercase title.

Best sequel: The best of this year's rather sorry batch of sequels was "Hannibal," which couldn't hold a candle to the original ("The Silence of the Lambs") in terms of scariness. But it was filmed with style and featured crackling performances from Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore.

Worst sequel: "Scary Movie 2." Yes, the original "Scary Movie" was stupid gross-out humor, but a lot of it was really funny. "Scary Movie 2" was stupid gross-out humor, but hardly any of it was funny. Almost as lame, though, was "The Mummy Returns," with its cheesy computer-generated battles and annoying kid star.

Most prescient documentary: I don't know if director Chris Hegedus has a crystal ball or what, but "Startup.com" was an astonishingly timely look at the dot-com rise and fall.

Best delayed gratification: Gillo Pontecorvo's lovely drama "The Wide Blue Road" finally made its U.S. (and Seattle) screen debut last summer, some 44 years after it was released in Europe.

Most welcome sight: Robert Redford in "Spy Game" (but not in "The Last Castle"), Julie Andrews in "The Princess Diaries," Carl Reiner in "Ocean's Eleven" and the end credits of "Corky Romano."

Best popcorn movies: "Ocean's Eleven," "Bandits," "Legally Blonde," "Bread and Tulips," "Heist," "The Others."

Most audacious ending: "The Crimson Rivers." Um, what just happened?

Most audacious beginning: "Memento."

Best 2001 movie that opened so long ago, everyone's forgotten it: "The House of Mirth."

Best 2001 movie that won't open here until 2002: A tie, between two movies that couldn't be more different: "Kandahar" and "Gosford Park."

Saddest proof that romantic comedy is a dying art: "Someone Like You," "The Wedding Planner," "Serendipity," "Kate & Leopold."

Brightest hope for the romantic comedy genre: "Bridget Jones's Diary."

Most refreshing emergence of a star: The wonderful Reese Witherspoon finally got the chance to show that she could headline a box-office hit with "Legally Blond." Somebody please develop a Carole Lombard-style comedy for this woman.

Best oddball character actor: Billy Bob Thornton, whose goofball personal life sometimes overshadows the fact that he's a terrific actor. Watch him in "The Man Who Wasn't There," "Bandits" and the upcoming "Monster's Ball."

Best throw pillows: "The Golden Bowl," the year's only movie in which the performances were occasionally upstaged by the upholstery.

Iron Man award: Gene Hackman ("The Mexican," "Heartbreakers," "Heist," "Behind Enemy Lines," "The Royal Tenenbaums").

Iron Woman award: Cate Blanchett ("The Gift," "The Man Who Cried," "Bandits," "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring," "The Shipping News" and, opening next month, "Charlotte Gray").

Best music: The melancholy, hauntingly slow waltz theme from "In the Mood for Love."

Worst title: "Bride of the Wind." I mean, just think about it.

Coolest teenagers: Thora Birch and Scarlett Johansson as marvelously disaffected high-school graduates in "Ghost World."

Best scene involving e-mail: Renee Zellweger and Hugh Grant's online flirtation in "Bridget Jones's Diary."

Creepiest experience: The last 15 minutes of "Audition." Some day, when I'm old and gray, I'll tell you about it. For now, I'm repressing it. Brrrr.

Weirdest coincidence: Within days of George Harrison's death, two movies screened ("Vanilla Sky," now playing, and "I Am Sam," opening Jan. 25) in which a character said, "George was my favorite Beatle."

Most implausible plot contrivances: A tie, between "Training Day," which boasts a coincidence so absurd it's laughable (unless you assume, as the screenwriters apparently did, that all Latinos in Los Angeles are related), and "Life As a House," in which the nasty man with the shiny black car just happens to live across the street.

Chameleon award: Who would have thought that the same guy could play FDR ("Pearl Harbor"), Howard Cosell ("Ali") and Angelina Jolie's dad ("Tomb Raider")? Why, Jon Voight, who's Angelina's dad in real life, too. It's a wonderful life, Jon.

Unforgettable musical moments: Jim Broadbent singing "Like a Virgin" in "Moulin Rouge"; an all-star stage of bluegrass musicians harmonizing on the chorus of "Angel Band" in the documentary "Down from the Mountain"; the mesmerizing pansori vocals (an ancient Korean storytelling tradition) of "Chunhyang"; a packed-to-the-rafters 5th Avenue Theatre joyously warbling "The hills are alive ... " at "The Sing-A-Long Sound of Music."

Let's hope 2002 is equally full of cinematic wonders. Happy New Year, one and all.

Moira Macdonald: 206-464-2725 or mmacdonald@seattletimes.com.