It's as if Democrats just discovered capitalism

Vice President Dick Cheney is a force of nature. Last we saw, he was on a goodwill tour meeting with European leaders and wearing a blue tie. Next thing we know, Halliburton is announcing it will suspend $140 million of billing for food service in Iraq. Coincidence?

Probably not, if you've been listening to many of the Democrats recently on the campaign trail, where Halliburton is responsible for your receding hairline, your mother-in-law's crummy roast beef and your daughter's D in algebra. Or perhaps better to allow Dr. Howard Dean to make the diagnosis: "Coziness with Halliburton" is "an emblem of an administration that has sold this country down the river."

Dean, of course, is nattering off into the sunset about now, but the avalanche of gracious farewell remarks from his former rivals bespeaks his role in shaping the tone of the campaign. From Dean, the wisdom goes, the party learned to get PO'd again: Without him, who can imagine a D.C. lifer and professional fortune hunter like John Kerry beating his breast so loudly against "special interests" and "crony capitalism"?

Anyway, we can thank Dean for the spectacle's entertainment value. None of his opponents has yet taken up the Good Doctor's early call for a "massive reregulation" of American business. But the Democrats have firmly established themselves as the party against corporations, especially American ones that are helping to rebuild Iraq. This should be an interesting idea to watch Democrats resell in the general election. Even the reliably liberal Washington Post recently decried what it called the party's "primitive business bashing."

The Post picked the right adjective. All the Democrats know is that when corporate accounting scandals were steaming up the headlines two years ago, Cheney briefly came under a magnifying glass for allegations of nefarious mathematical behavior while CEO. The New York Times ran stories about the company papering over losses. Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe called for a shakeout and an SEC investigation.

The upshot? Nada. The press was just then discovering accounting, and Halliburton's "percentage-of-completion" approach struck nonbusiness-savvy muckrakers as somehow suspect. It turned out to be utterly normal and routine.

Never mind. Halliburton was now a punching bag, especially when its alleged acts to profiteer in Iraq offered a sexier story line. Dennis Kucinich even demanded that the U.N. be placed in charge of the occupation for the express purpose of making sure there'd be "no more sweetheart deals for Halliburton." Amazingly, no one laughed. Cheney's association had turned into a catch-all synonym for every imagined wrong of business executives and other inhabitants of the upper tax brackets.

In fact, Halliburton has proved to be nothing but incompetent at profiteering. Before the most recent allegations about meal overcharges and billing practices, the story that grabbed attention was an allegation Halliburton had "overcharged" the U.S. taxpayers for oil bought from Kuwait. The numbers looked impressive: The price was significantly higher than oil available in Turkey. There was just one problem: The "war profiteers" of Halliburton weren't capturing the difference. In fact, under political pressure, they are now stuck eating a loss or twisting the arms of the Kuwait supplier to rebate some of its own profits.

Nine out of 10 people have no idea what a "no-bid" contract might mean, except that it sounds like backroom dealing. But, with the possible exception of Al Sharpton, the Democratic candidates know perfectly well. No government contractor, large or small, is free from constant, nitpicky oversight by bureaucrats whose greatest fear is that they'll miss something and be called before a congressional committee.

Anyone who lives in the real world knows that the idea that the vice president picks up the phone and fixes a contract for a crony is absolutely fatuous. Likewise, anyone who lives in the real world of business knows that a job in Iraq is more likely to be a black hole than a profitable endeavor. The risks can't be quantified. One truck bomb can turn a profitable undertaking into a dead loss. In fact, companies are fleeing because what they have to pay to protect and insure their employees exceeds the value of the business.

Democrats play intentionally dumb about all this. They claim to be using Halliburton merely as a "metaphor," as if a three-syllable word can justify intentionally and deliberately misleading voters. It's a bad way to conduct politics because no politician, Democrats included, can avoid entanglement in the productive economy, which after all consists largely of "corporations."

Still, the prospect of Kerry waging class warfare against George Bush has an especially unique comedic flavor. We can hardly wait until somebody starts unraveling all the contracts the H.J. Heinz Co. has to supply ketchup and condiments to the U.S. government. Kerry will no doubt argue he has nothing to do with the company, that it just happens to be the source of his second wife's fortune. But, hey, it's still a good metaphor for how Kerry makes his own way in the world.

Collin Levey writes Thursdays for editorial pages of The Times. E-mail her at clevey@seattletimes.com