Milk bet turns sour for Marlins bat boy
The Seattle Times
Since when did skim and 2 percent get added to baseball's list of banned substances?
The Florida Marlins have suspended one of their bat boys for six games — for taking part in a milk-chugging bet. Seems visiting Dodgers pitcher Brad Penny, an ex-Marlin, bet the bat boy $500 that he couldn't drink a gallon of milk in an hour and keep it down.
The kid couldn't make good on the second part, and on top of that the team suspended him without further public comment.
"It's ridiculous that they worry about stuff like that," Penny told the Miami Herald. "It shows [the Marlins] don't know anything about the game. That kind of stuff goes on everywhere. It didn't affect the way he worked, the way he did his job."
But, Penny added, here's what's most astonishing:
"You get a 10-game suspension for steroids and a six-game suspension for milk."
No. 1 draft pick
Former Phillies John Kruk and Mitch Williams didn't have much trouble coming to an agreement when Williams joined the ballclub and said he coveted Kruk's No. 28 jersey because Williams' wife had all sorts of jewelry featuring that number from his Mets days.
"I thought about a dollar amount for a while," Kruk said, "then I realized the only thing I really enjoyed back then was Budweiser, so he bought me two cases and I took another number.
"In the end, the beer lasted longer than the marriage."
Among the items on a multiple-choice sports test administered by Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times:
"Bob Huggins' forced resignation as Cincinnati basketball coach was:
"a). About won-lost records
"b). About graduation rates
"c). About institutional control
"d). About time"
Maybe Pete Rose was preordained to be famous — and infamous.
As he pointed out on FSN's "Best Damn Sports Show Period," in reference to his April 14 birthday: "I was born the day Lincoln was shot and the Titanic sank."
Talking the talk
• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, after the baseball Giants' mascot failed to make the cut for the new Mascot Hall of Fame: "A despondent Crazy Crab tried to commit suicide by strolling through Fisherman's Wharf with a bottle of Tabasco sauce in his claw."
• Bud Geracie of the San Jose Mercury News, on Giants slugger Barry Bonds doing all his talking this season via his Web site: "With no major proclamations lately, it's barrybonds.calm."
• Greg Couch of the Chicago Sun-Times, on the immense size increase among NFL linemen since William Perry played for the Super Bowl-champion Bears 20 years ago: "Playing today at that weight, his nickname wouldn't be the Fridge, but maybe Junior."
If being 18 games under .500 and 18 ½ games out of first place wasn't bad enough already, now comes word the Mariners are 0-2 when the other team is staging a "Bring Your Dog to the Ballpark" promotion.
Insert your own punch line here.
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or firstname.lastname@example.org
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