Get off "Brokeback's" back already, would ya?

Have you heard the one about the two cowboys? Or the new Willie Nelson song about cowboys who are "fond" of each other? Or if a movie has a gay character in it, it's totally in for winning, like, a million awards?

Yeah, me too. And it's no wonder. In the past few months, "Brokeback Mountain," nominated for eight Oscars, crossed over from being a surprisingly successful film to a pop-culture phenomenon. Even the president got asked about it in an unscripted Q&A moment — and told that he'd like it if he gave it a chance.

"Brokeback" isn't the first big movie with a gay character. "Philadelphia" showed Tom Hanks and Antonio Banderas as partners, but they were so unromantic, they could have been co-workers.

"Brokeback" is big. Its story is sweeping. It's triumphant and tragic. It's the first film of its kind. And whenever you're a pioneer, you've got to be ready for potshots.

After all, it's a movie so well-done that even conservative critic Michael Medved had to admit it's good.

But some critics — like the old archetypical East German judge who gives a lower score to the Americans — had to find something to harp on.

First in the lineup: It's not really gay. The Village Voice called it the "straightest love story in years." Slate magazine asked if "Brokeback" was a gay movie — and answered that it wasn't. Instead, it was "a paean to masculinity" — as if those two things have to be mutually exclusive.

Meanwhile, Salon.com criticized "Brokeback" for not being gay enough. Maybe Nathan Lane should have made a guest appearance in a feather boa?

Then it started to get personal. Slate's columnist Mickey Kaus lost face when his prediction that the movie would be a commercial flop ... well, flopped.

He turned his wrath toward doe-eyed Jake Gyllenhaal in a piece titled "More Cash for the Wimp." The accusation? With an Oscar nod, Gyllenhaal will ask for more money. Actors wanting more money in Hollywood? What a scoop — and bring me the tar and feathers!

The reactive parade trotted out its criticisms: Gene Shalit had to apologize for calling Jake's character a "predator" in his review. Larry David let us know, via The New York Times, that he had no interest in seeing cowboys in love. (Thanks for sharing, Lar.) Don Imus and Chris Matthews tried to one-up each other on MSNBC with homophobic jokes, proving that they're really, really not gay.

Of course, to call something "gay" has always been a joke. On the Bravo TV show "Project Jay," the flamboyant star calls something "queer" to mean dumb or stupid. From "Saturday Night Live" (home of "Gays in Space" and the "Ambiguously Gay Duo") to the "Trendspotting" segment with the new guy on "The Daily Show," everyone uses "gay" as a quick comedy hit. Even staid NPR used "gay" as a punch line in its review of "Brokeback" on "Fresh Air."

Some of the parodies of "Brokeback" follow that line, existing as just another excuse to make fun of gay men.

Others, like "Brokeback Top Gun," are actually funny, and only slightly at Tom Cruise's expense. Some parodies are even sweetly clever, like the all-Legos version of "Brokeback" (http://destinationdaniel.smugmug.com/gallery/1213678/1/56764716). Who knew there were Lego sheep?

So what's left, now that it's been dissected, cross-examined and spoofed? To say that a potential Oscar win was always inevitable, of course.

Admittedly, it is a little unusual to have a year when both "Transamerica" and "Capote," films with transgendered and gay characters, are in the awards pool. But does this mean, as GQ asserted in its article "Play Gay, Win an Oscar," that gay characters automatically equal Academy Awards gold?

GQ lists the six actors nominated for Academy Awards over the past 30 years for playing gay men (plus two women: Charlize Theron and Hilary Swank, who both won). It's a streak!

Let's do a quick roundup of the math that seems to have escaped GQ, and everyone else saying that gay characters equal Oscar glory: Over the past 30 years, 300 actors have been nominated for best actor and best supporting actor. In that time, six got the nod for playing gay. Two won (William Hurt, Tom Hanks), while four lost (Al Pacino to Jack Nicholson, Chris Sarandon to George Burns, Javier Bardem to Russell Crowe and Ed Harris to Chris Cooper).

A streak ... of two. Out of 300. Over 30 years.

Let's be real: If "Brokeback" were a stinker along the lines of "Glitter," the Hollywood suits would run screaming for the next 20 years from any plot with two men in love. They may, anyway. Given the caliber of people involved — including Oscar-winning Ang Lee — a total failure wasn't likely, but then again, he did give us "The Hulk."

It's easy to forget that "Brokeback" had a rocky start — snubbed by the French at Cannes — and had been the underdog until awards season. And now there's the question of whether it peaked too early, or whether straight voters in the academy might ignore the film.

Answering to a million questions and concerns that other movies can avoid, "Brokeback" has been through the wringer.

The problem with all the criticism and jokes and chatter — that really are not about the film itself — is that they discount the true artistic achievement of the film.

In the process, a great film, thoughtful and well-made, has gotten lost in the shuffle. And isn't that why film awards are given, to reward great films?

Here's hoping that this sweeping, quiet, romantic, devastating, heroic film — and its actors, writers, producers, and director — get the awards they deserve. No punch line required.

Jennifer Buckendorff is a regular contributor to The Seattle Times: jenb@elvis.com