Giving new meaning to whatever floats your boat
The Seattle Times
Talk about putting the drag into dragon-boat racing.
Several competitors were disqualified from the traditional women's race at China's annual Ethnic Minority Games after it was discovered they were cross-dressing men. It wasn't the wigs that gave them away per se, China's Xinhua news agency reported, but rather the startling sight of "big women with Adam's apples."
Among Albert Haynesworth's top 10 excuses for stomping on an opponent's face, courtesy of CBS's David Letterman:
• "Tired of Terrell Owens getting all the headlines.
• "Guy put his head right where I was walking.
• "Why is no one talking about the billions of people whose heads I did not stomp on?
• "Now have chance to sign footballs: 'I'm sorry I stomped on that guy's face.' "
Punts and Roses
"Pete Rose tells David Letterman he doesn't bet on baseball anymore," wrote Jim Armstrong of The Denver Post, "but if he did, he would bet on the Twins and Padres to play in the World Series.
"How did they do in their playoff openers, anyway?"
The Toronto Raptors, who haven't had a winning season since 2002, didn't exactly pick the best training-camp site to shed a defeatist attitude:
A football player's father got zapped with a stun gun and hauled off in handcuffs after witnesses said he yelled obscenities at opposing players and fans at a game in O'Fallon, Mo., the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported.
The players weren't asked for comment, but then again, they were just 7- and 8-year-olds.
Eight is enough
Brits dial 9-9-9 for emergencies.
But not manager Steve Thompson of the Notts County soccer team, who gave BBC Sport this endorsement of the referee who red-carded two of his players in a recent game:
"If he was on fire, I'd dial 9-9-8."
Quote, end quote
• Twins center fielder Torii Hunter, to USA Today, on his team suddenly getting switched from its anticipated prime-time playoff series against the Yankees to matinee TV against the A's: "We were prime steak when we were playing against the Yankees. Now we're just turkey sandwiches."
• Jerry Greene of The Orlando Sentinel, on the Packers getting only a 39-season-ticket turnover on a waiting list of 72,029: "At that rate, the last guy on the list has to wait 1,846 years to get tickets. The good news is that Brett Favre will still be there."
• Judd Wainwright, inducted into the Michigan State High School Coaches Association Hall of Fame, telling the Bay City (Mich.) Times how he became a wrestling coach: "I was looking for a basketball job, but all those jobs were filled."
T.O.'d in Philly
Talk about a dilemma for ticket-buying Philadelphians this weekend.
Will it be "Jackass Number Two" at the local theater, or Jackass Number One at Lincoln Financial Field?
Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or email@example.com
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