Some photos in online dating profiles make for shutter shudders

In the world of cyber dating, there are the standard headshots, and then there are the ... bare-chested bachelor posing in front of a Camaro, or holding a fish or a (insert sports equipment here).

They have provided stand-up comedians a reservoir of material, spurred on parlor games and have become part of a conversation piece at girls' nights out.

We are talking about the cheesy glamour portraits, beefcake shots and half-baked pictures. You know, the wedding picture with the significant other cropped out, all except for the hand. Or the puckered lips, hands behind the head pose that looks more like a "Saturday Night Live" parody of a Calvin Klein underwear ad.

Well, the honchos at dating sites have seen enough, and they have called in the photo police.

The Jewish dating site JDate now posts guidelines including "no suggestive photos" or "composites." Match.com recently hired Jay Manuel from "America's Next Top Model" to dish some common sense on Match.com's new Portrait Toolkit. And most dating sites also run some form of Photo 101 or Taking Profile Pictures For Dummies to help these poor souls.

Yes, the pictures are that bad.

In Seattle, the number of bad and amusing dating pictures are limitless, what with some 60,000 Match.com customers in the Seattle area alone, the nation's eighth highest, according to the Dallas-based online dating service. (Los Angeles ranked first.)

So with chagrin, two dozen so-called dating gurus, veteran online daters and wedding photographers offer their take on common photo faux pas — from the amusing to the tragically amusing.

Posting old pictures

"Old" as in pictures dating as far back as the Reagan administration, back when you proudly sported a Members Only jacket, could still fit into a size 6 or owned just one chin.

To which, Match.com spokeswoman Janet Siroto offers this revelation. "Sooner or later, you are going to meet this person."

And you may have some explaining to do.

Nina Kliorina, 33, of Seattle, said 11 of the 12 guys she met on JDate had less hair or were much heavier than their portraits. They looked so different that she barely recognized some on first dates.

Greg Nystrom, 54, of Seattle, recalled meeting a woman who looked 35 pounds heavier than her online portrait. "When I saw her at the coffee shop ... I had an impulse to run," he wrote in an e-mail. "Her declaration of valuing integrity and truthfulness rang hollow because of the false advertising."

Kim Van, 40, of Lake Stevens, said one Match.com date posted a picture with a full head of hair but sported a comb-over in person. Another date's photo made him look vibrant, with stylish blond hair. But he showed up at a coffee shop with a bad toupee, a hunch in his back and enough wrinkles to qualify for AARP membership.

The problem has gotten so bad that LookBetterOnline.com, a popular online dating portrait service, can now certify its pictures to ensure portraits were recently taken.

Me and my prop

Both sexes, several dating experts said, are equal offenders when it comes to bad pictures, except when it comes to car props — it's usually who guys pose in front of their muscle cars or luxury sedans, often with their hands folded or leaning their bodies against the passenger side or sitting in front like a hood ornament.

Then there is the infamous "Dynasty" shot — the bachelor holding a tennis racket, with a sweater tied around his neck while posing in front of a sports car. "That's the cheesiest," said Dave Coy, co-founder of LookBetterOnline.com, based in Long Beach, Calif. "You would be surprised how many guys think that works."

Kristi Luke, 32, of Seattle, compared one guy's Match.com portfolio to an online version of "MTV Cribs."

"He had all his toys," she said. "Him in front of a car. Him in a boat. Him in front of a car pulling the boat."

In cyber-dating, few topics divide the sexes more.

The car pose, several dating experts said, is supposed to convey wealth or to show off the guy's prized possession, but as Match.com dater Liz Philpot, 26 of Seattle, points out, it comes off as looking "materialistic." Besides, girls want to date the guy, not the car, she said.

Seattle photographer Jim Anderson, who compiles a photo essay of online dating pictures, doesn't get what the fuss is about. "You got a guy in front of a Camaro, you can tell what kind of a guy he is," Anderson said.

James Krieger, who blogs about his online dates, defends the car pictures. Sort of. "What about girls and their pet pictures?" said the 33-year old Redmond resident. "Some will have a couple of pictures of just their dogs. They are not even in" the pictures.

Cropping out your ex

The disembodied forearm holding your hand. A split head leaning against your forehead. Or someone's lips puckering your cheek. Worst are the cropped-out wedding pictures, said Match.com spokeswoman Siroto.

To some, the intimate portraits are sacred, and they can elicit responses like, " 'Oh, my God, is that his ex-girlfriend he cut out?' " Siroto said.

Many daters find them distracting.

"You see a female hand on his shoulder. So at one time or another, there was a woman in that photo. Of course, you want to know, what happened to that woman, who was she?" said Pat Geister, 69, who dates men in the 59-to-72 age bracket from sites including dreamdates.com and sugardaddie.com.

Seattle wedding photographer Debora Spencer recalled one friend who was dumped by her online date. Out of curiosity, she surfed for his online profile to see if he was back on the market. "He was, and he took the picture from their first date and cropped her out," except for her shoulder, Spencer said. "She didn't think that was too nice."

Bad and out-of-focus portraits

We are talking blurry headshots or portraits that look like something from "The Blair Witch Project," where the frightened victim beamed a flashlight on her own face.

Some use webcams for self-portraits — or what Coy of LookBetterOnline.com calls the "serial-killer" look — with the shadows and bad lighting distorting their close-ups.

Others complained they couldn't make out the nose, eyes or other facial features from the headshots. "On eHarmony, this girl had just one picture," said blogger Krieger, who works at a Bellevue gym. "It's of her kissing her dog. You could only see her face from the side. I couldn't tell what the girl looked like. I just saw her lips on the dog."

Or take the artsy black-and-whites, such as the mane sweeping across a face or the eyes peeking behind a web of fingers.

The worst, said Nicholle, 28, of Kent, who declined to give her last name, are guys who snap portraits in front of the mirrors "and you can see the cameras around their chests. ... And the flash would go off and there is this big shining, glowing thing in the mirror."

Tan Vinh: 206-515-5656 or tvinh@seattletimes.com