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Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - Page updated at 12:00 AM

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Sideline Chatter

They'll baldly go where few have been

The Seattle Times

Take me out to the bald game!

The Long Beach (Calif.) Armada of the independent Golden Baseball League is promoting Bald Guy Night on Wednesday, with follicly-challenged gents admitted for free.

Patrons wearing artificial turf, we assume, still get some sort of discount.

Ichy's Scratch Dept.

Ichiro's new five-year, $90 million contract breaks down like this, based on the numbers he's put up in his first 6 ½ seasons in Seattle:

• $79,500 per hit, or

• $161,000 per run scored, or

• $279,500 per stolen base.

And for those of you who think that's way too much money to pay a singles hitter, $1.8 million per home run.

Ratings to die for

Eos TV — devoted exclusively to issues of aging, dying and death — is about to be launched in Germany, the London Sunday Telegraph reported.

Word has it the death network plans to hit the air in early August, starting with a Rangers-Devil Rays game.

They're in the penalty

There's a good reason Isiah Thomas isn't known as The Profit Isiah.

Thomas' New York Knicks will have to fork over the NBA's biggest luxury-tax payment, by far — $45 million, ESPN.com reported — for exceeding the salary cap last season. And they had only a 33-49 record to show for it.

Bang for the buck? That's more like backfire.

The Shea Hey Kid

Actor Kevin James named his second daughter Shea because of his happy childhood memories attending Mets games, only to discover the idea has its drawbacks.

As the "King of Queens" star told TheSportsInterview.com: "I am excited and a little upset I am going to have to change it to City Park, her name, when they change the stadium over."

Talking the talk

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, on one likely pocket of heated opposition to the Dallas Mavericks owner buying the Chicago Cubs: "Can you imagine being an umpire assigned to a Cubs game ... knowing that Lou Piniella is in the dugout and Mark Cuban has a front-row box seat?"

• Times reader Janice Hough, on the Phillies losing for the 10,000th time in the franchise's 125-year history: "The very first loss reportedly came on a pinch-hit single by Julio Franco."

• Actor Robert Wuhl, to the Los Angeles Times, on former baseball agent Dennis Gilbert's 60th birthday bash: "Dennis invited 400 of his closest friends, but the Dodgers announced the crowd at 17,000."

• Reader Derek Wilken, to the Saskatoon StarPhoenix, after Olympic pole vaulter Giuseppe Gibilisco changed his mind and agreed to talk with Italian sports authorities about his alleged steroid use: "He now says there are some topics he will touch with a 10-foot pole."

Mom's the word

The Armada's Bald Guy Night experiment comes just three weeks after the team staged its Mother-In-Law Night, to mixed results.

Turns out the mothers-in-law loved it, but all the players with nagging injuries refused to play.

Dwight Perry: 206-464-8250 or dperry@seattletimes.com

Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company

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